Today we hear the words “toxic person” and “toxic relationship” almost every day. Sometimes these words are abused to describe any discomfort in the relationship between partners. The fact is that toxic relationships are challenging to identify, to understand what is wrong.
● What are toxic relationships?
You may have a feeling that something is not going well with this person, as you think is typical, or that you are catching yourself doing something you would never have agreed to before. But you can’t explain why. Beware of toxic relationships online. For instance, when you meet a beautiful stranger on a Russian dating website, you may not always realize whether a person is suitable for you.
At the same time, toxic relationships can slowly kill your self-esteem, hinder your development, and break your connection with your self. The case when everything seems reasonable, but in reality, it is not. Markers of toxicity can be our feelings.
– You feel unhappy and depressed and don’t understand why;
– You and your partner avoid each other more and more;
– You feel insecure;
– The work begins to fall apart, and things go wrong, although you make a lot of effort;
– You lose social connections, spend less time with friends.
If you feel something is wrong, it is essential to stop and think because fighting for toxic relationships will consume even more of your energy and time.
● Signs of toxic relationships
One of the signs of toxicity is passive-aggressive behavior. This is an indirect attack and a rather cowardly move, which they take for control when the partner cannot openly express their disagreement or justify why they do not want to do this or that. Toxicity here is used to deprive you of the ability to respond adequately and directly resolve conflict issues. This is usually manipulation: “I’ll just stay home alone while you go and have fun.” Of course, the manipulator is waiting for you to change your plans and say, “Ok, I’m not going anywhere. We’d better stay home together.” Or: “Why do you need this job? You get tired. You come late.”
Very often, toxic people are daffodils. They perceive their partner as an extension of themselves, that is, as if you were their hand or foot. And if you are a beautiful leg and fit into their picture of the world, they love you. However, when they meet another pretty extension, they will leave you.
I didn’t ask you
This tactic is another manipulation. You sincerely want to help your partner. Despite this, no matter how hard you try, everything will be wrong no matter how much energy you spend. This person is not meant to cope with problems. They want to complain and accuse others of their troubles.
The manipulator’s partner develops a sense of guilt. The poor victim is looking for ways to save their partner. Then, there can be two scenarios of development: you help them, nothing comes out, and you feel that they did no ask you, or everything turns out good, and they do not even thank you.
Limits of privacy
All partnerships deserve a certain level of privacy. And healthy relationships are based primarily on trust. If a partner continually checks your phone, receipts, bills, it is toxic, and such behavior degrades and erases your boundaries. Try to talk to your partner and clarify that you are an adult and do not need constant monitoring. Maybe it’s the result of a past unhappy relationship, and then the manipulator needs professional help to believe in a normal relationship again.